Thursday, August 8, 2013

Ironically This Post Is Not Directly About Iron

So there was a small pile of my father's stuff we took back from the nursing home; and there, right on the top, was this (I've blurred out both his name and the name of our town):


That's right, the man who turned his acre and a half yard into a junkyard full of rusting cars, rotting lumber, leaking engines, fifty-five gallon drums of parts cleaner, buckets of broken glass, containers of waste oil and dirty gasoline and miscellaneous toxic substances (such as that ancient bottle of muriatic acid Tara and I had to deal with) was on the local Conservation Commission for more than twenty years. And when he retired from that, the town gave him a fucking plaque.

I have two questions. One, what were the town officials thinking when they gave this to him? They had to note the mind-blowing irony of the situation, right? And two, if they genuinely didn't, what the fuck were they smoking? I mean I know this is a small town, but reality is still reality, isn't it? They were otherwise after him to clean up the yard, so it's not like they didn't know. I mean, not like anyone driving past the house wouldn't know.

For my father's part I'm sure he saw no irony in it at all. I'm also quite sure that the reason he was on the Conservation Commission in the first place was not actually out of concern for the environment, but because he was a busybody who wanted to know what other people in town were doing on their property, as the Conservation Commission oversees things like permits and the regulations around wetlands and the like.

He was also on the Soil Board, for that matter, which is very much concerned with the quality of the soil, you know, like whether it might be contaminated with dirty oil, or brake fluid, or gasoline, or transmission fluid, or parts cleaner...

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG...had I a drink in my hand I would have done one of those infamous spit takes on this one!! OMG...what a hoot that plaque is!! I am sure both your jaws hit the floor, as mine did!! OMG---WHAT were the town powers that be thinking of? Hoping that maybe, just maybe he's clean up his own mess?

Still enjoying your blog!! Please keep writing...I am just dumbfounded by the amounts of money you have taken in just from scrap....and well....maybe you two will get your own plaques in the near future!!!

a reader from the chicago area!!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Hoo boy! Didn't see that one coming!

Beverly Diehl said...

Mindblowing. Truly mindblowing.

John said...

What do you plan on doing with this plaque? I think ceremoniously destroying it would appropriate.

Elaine said...

Smash it to bits!

And then recycle them, if possible.

Thalia said...

Heh. The engraved part does seem to be some kind of bronze...

TC said...

I agree with Elaine. Drop a starter motor on it a few times and then throw the metal part in with your next load. That seems fitting.

Barbara Allen said...

That is so funny/ironic. The one really bad hoarderesque family in our town (think old school buses partially buried in the woods surrounding their junkpile of a home) has a member who is actually on the Conservation Commission. I think they feel it will enable them the ability to somehow protect their stuff