Tuesday, February 15, 2011


There are some things it is good to know about (math); there are some things that, even if you don't want to know about, still, it's a good idea to learn (taxes); there are even some things that you really wish you didn't have to know about (being diagnosed with leprosy), but it's still, ultimately, good to know; and then there's shit like this.

Tara and I could have very happily continued on with the rest of our lives without this particular bit of information. Well, okay, not like we didn't know; we are here, after all, and we've heard a thing or two around the school-yard; still, we were just innocently organizing tools in the cellar tonight when Tara suddenly let out a scream of horror and anguish. I came running and saw OMG NO:

That's right; they were squirrelled away in a toolbox in the cellar. Not the drawer of the nightstand in what was my parents' bedroom, or hidden in a sock drawer, or in a shoebox in the back of a closet, but in a toolbox in the cellar. With the, um, tools. So okay I guess that's a theme. Except I really don't want to know.

(Is it just me or does the dude on the box look like Micky Dolenz with a moustache?

You know, I don't actually know what Micky Dolenz was up to in the 70s. I can tell you what Mike Nesmith was doing (various country bands and divorcing four wives) or what Peter Tork was doing (mostly a haze of drugs), but not Micky. And I've never cared about Davy, so, y'know. It actually could be Micky. And that's all just a tangent, oh the happy happy Monkees so I don't have to think about...)

Because of course then we opened it up, because we're stupid, and saw that two of them were not there:

No no no la la la la la you can't make me.

Gah. In the cellar.

Somehow, though, it seems appropriate.


Debra She Who Seeks said...

And you found them on Valentine's Day?

Anonymous said...

Looks like Burt Reynolds, actually.

A few years ago, my parents got a computer with an internet hookup. Predictably, they regularly need my help with this device. I always take the time to wipe my father's porn links out of the browser history. The first time I discovered that - accidentally - was not a good day.

Yuck. I sympathize.

Sid said...

Hahahaha! I'm a bit scarred with you, Thalia. Greg's still waiting to find his father's porn stash...

Hopefully, that day will never come.

Now go wash your eyeballs.

Sara said...

I felt the same way when my sister-in-law and I found various... um... marital aids... and prescriptions while cleaning out her parents' closets and dressers after they'd passed away. In a way, good for them, but in a much, much bigger way, I desperately wanted a shower.

Rosa said...

You know, my dad kept his porn collection in the bottom drawer of his workbench. Man cave, right?

Not saying anything about your dad. Just if you find any Super8 reels, don't look!

The Writing Goddess said...

eostscrel - my verify word, which sounds like what one screams when one finds one's dad's stash o' condoms.

It looks like Mickey to me, too.

We all know our parents "did it," at least once or twice, but we really DON'T want the dirty details. Unfortunately, my NPD dad used to share, VERBALLY.

Ohne of the cleaner stories - my oldest sis was dating (the man who became her hsuband, obviously he didn't scare easy) and my father asked him to leave the house, "Because I want to make love to my wife, and she won't let me while you're here."

I think Daddy Dearest's picture is in the dictionary next to the phrase TMI.

Donna said...

"...with the tools" -lol Thalia.
omg-that DOES look like Mickey.

I will cross my fingers for you so you guys don't come across the naked pictures they probably took on their honeymoon mixed in with a bucket of rusty bolts.
-Donna :)

Claire said...

Um. Why aren't they round? No. Don't tell me.

Anonymous said...

oh the humanity.....I really laughed at this...so much, well, you don't want to know. I have been reading this blog for a while now, and just marvel at the amount of tonnage you have hauled off your property.

My friend lives in house that is leaning towards a hoarding mess, and I can't help her at all....and her sister is fit to be tied since they are co owners of the house....

I just shake my head and marvel at the amount of energy you two sisters have to make your space more liveable.

I am curious....how does your mom feel about you cleaning up the mess? Did you share this latest find with her? I know my mom would be 100 shades of red, but then would break into a laughing fit. (I know my parents are faithful to each other--I can only hope that those things were used between the two of yours)

I personally think the guy looks more like the cowboy from the Village people.

Keep up the good work. I really do enjoy reading your blog, and again, marvel at the amount of work you have done, and have yet to do!!

A reader from the Chicago area

Thalia said...

Yes, Debra, Valentine's Day, though it didn't hit me till the next day. Yikes!

Claire, I wondered the same thing. Tara was like, 'oh some brands look like that, that's all'. I will defer to her greater expertise in these matters.

Writing Goddess, I hear NPD parents are just atrocious when it comes to boundaries; so very sorry.

And Anonymous from Chicago, along those lines I daren't show my mother because I'm quite sure she not only wouldn't be embarrassed, she'd go straight to TMI territory herself.

Anonymous said...

Ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, EW. Some things are just not meant to be known. EVER.

Also, that guy clearly looks like Eddie Cibrian. With a moustache.